Your Magenta Monday Magic.
In my last blog, you learned about my quest to belong, and how I turned myself into someone I wasn’t in my search for connection with other people.
This all started when I was a young girl. You would think that as I got older, I would have realized what I was doing, right? If anything, though, it got worse as time went on.
As I listened to the little voice in my head, negative beliefs accumulated like a snowball rolling downhill, picking up momentum and weight as it went. For decades, that voice told me I wasn’t funny enough, pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, stylish enough, rich enough…. Add that to the weight of all the roles I took on – student, employee, wife, mom, daughter-in-law – and before I knew it, I was so completely detached from the pure, bright light I was born with that I had no idea who I was deep down inside.
I couldn’t see my true self, and when I reached my mid-30’s I hit a crisis point – one that led to me becoming completely disillusioned with everything I thought I wanted in my life. All my expectations, and everything I was supposed to want – the job, the house, the car – it all crumbled. 😧
I realized that what I really wanted was to answer the questions “Why am I here?” and “What are my true gifts?” I wanted to live a life full of passion, joy, love, and connection, and that longing soon became greater than my need to fit in. It eclipsed my concern over what other people thought until it became untenable for me to continue doing what I was doing.
So I headed down the path of self-rediscovery… but I often found myself stuck.
I continually ran up against an obstacle – one that threatened to derail my progress: the roadblock of judgment. ⛔
There I was, undertaking the monumental task of excavating my true self from beneath all those heavy layers, and I still managed to judge myself every time I said or did something that didn’t align perfectly with my new path. Instead of having compassion for myself, and for the younger me who had done the best she could, I beat myself up.
So much judgment – talk about counter-productive!
Since that time, I’ve learned that judgment (of yourself or others) throws a big old cement wall around you. It cuts you off from everything.
In the space of judgment, there is no room for connecting or learning or growth.
There is no room for curiosity. In fact, worse than that – judgment is a curiosity killer.
Sitting in judgment prevented me from seeing my crisis of self as a growth opportunity. It stopped me from getting curious and asking, “Why is this happening to me?” Instead, I slammed the door shut.
That’s the thing about judging ourselves – it keeps us stuck. It crops up in those fleeting moments you barely notice – when you look in the mirror and frown over your wrinkles, or call yourself stupid for missing the turn, or screwing up the presentation at work – and those moments add up after a while.
Just like the 1° shifts we talk about here every week, the tiny, negative comments build and build into a giant snowball that picks up more momentum the bigger it gets… until you actually become them.
And just like that, you’ve lost your truth.
Monday Mindshift
It’s the 1° shift that makes the biggest difference over time.
My crisis of self happened over 20 years ago, and since that time I have done a ton of hard work to learn, grow, discover, and understand who I am and what I am here for. The journey hasn’t been easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It’s what I want for you too.
So ask yourself, “How do I talk to myself?” And then, make it a point to start paying attention. It may be difficult at first because we are so wired to judge ourselves, but keep at it. Instead of sitting in judgment, try witnessing yourself instead. 🤔
You may say “Hmmm, interesting. I noticed I commented on my wrinkles just now – what is that about?” Then turn it around to say “I love my wrinkles. They are a testament to the beautiful life I’ve lived.”
Don’t be surprised if you discover that you are criticizing yourself more than you realized. Have patience with yourself. This is the beginning of a huge shift – so remember to treat yourself with love and compassion. 💗
Keep in mind: it can be a beautiful, painful journey, but it’s definitely worth the ride.
Living BRIGHTer is...
B - Be Brave
R - Cultivate Relationships
I - Live with Intention
G - Practice Gratitude
H - Prioritize Health
T - Live your Truth
What is Magenta?
The color magenta is one of universal harmony and emotional balance. It is spiritual yet practical, encouraging common sense and a balanced outlook on life. Magenta helps to create harmony and balance in every aspect of life; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
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