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Navigating the Growth Journey: Understanding Relationships at Midlife

Updated: Apr 24

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Your Magenta Monday Magic.

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Are you in a threesome?

If you rushed to say no, you’re in for a big surprise! 

Guess what – there are 3 components to any relationship. You, the other person, and then the relationship itself. 

Let me explain… and I’m going to focus on the relationship you have with your partner, but this can apply to any close relationship you have. It's all about navigating your growth journey together.

Think about your partnership like a Venn diagram (like in the image above).

  1. You are the circle on the left.

  2. Your partner is in the circle on the right.

  3. The overlap is your similarities, your shared interests, and the things you have in common. 

At midlife, each of you is navigating the individual challenge of exploring who you are and making all the adjustments that the growth journey requires.

You’re both growing and changing, and that not only impacts you individually, but it also affects your relationship with each other. It can feel really complicated and overwhelming. 

Perhaps you’re wondering: 🤔

How do I navigate my own personal growth journey and show up in alignment with that in my relationship which may or may not be evolving at the same pace?

You are shedding one role – ‘mom’ or ‘boss’ or any other role you’ve taken on – and essentially learning how to reintroduce yourself as an individual within your partnership.

Meanwhile, the relationship itself is shifting from being two parents into being a husband and wife again, and you’re trying to sort out what that means at this stage of life.

It’s a lot! No wonder you feel like the ground is shifting beneath your feet! 🏄‍♀️


Monday Mindshift

It’s the 1° shift that makes the biggest difference over time.

Rather than driving yourself crazy, curling up in a ball, and crying yourself to sleep (or is that just me lol!?) I invite you to consider each component individually.

Yourself. It’s critical to start here. As we’ve said, this journey requires solid footing and a strong sense of self. You’ll need to be as centered and balanced as possible while navigating this transition so you can speak up for what you want and not get sucked up into the chaos. 🌀

Dig in and get curious. You want to be really clear about what’s important to you and what you want this next chapter to look and feel like. This may sound simple, but the process can take a while and it requires patience and self-compassion. Asking for the time and space you need (a weekend away or a day here or there just for yourself) is important.

Your partner. How much you know about what your partner is experiencing during this transition will really depend on their level of communication. My husband is a couple of years from retirement, and he doesn’t share much about how he feels about it. I try to bring it up now and then to check in, but he doesn’t get really deep with me and I respect his process.

So consider where your partner is at, respect their process, and respond accordingly.

Your relationship. As you determine what’s important to you, you may find it isn’t that important to your partner. Depending on what it is, and if there is still enough overlap in that center portion of your relationship Venn diagram, you’ll probably be okay. But if the thing that really lights you up doesn’t leave any space for overlap, you may have a problem. It’s up to you to decide if that will impact the relationship or to find ways to navigate around it.

I am a self-growth junkie, for example. I love reading about it, listening to podcasts about it, talking about it, and clearly, I love writing about it! I love nothing more than getting curious about myself and what makes me tick so that I can continue to grow. It lights me up and inspires me. 🚨

My husband? Not so much. I’ve shared podcasts and books with him for us to talk about and come away with mixed results. He is clearly not ALL IN on it like I am. And you know what? That’s okay. I recognize that this is my passion, not his. We still have many things in common that we can explore together. We love to travel to cool places like Antarctica, we love exploring our community around Santa Barbara, and we both love spending time with family and friends.

If you’d like to have more things in common, this is a great time to explore some new things together. Signing up for activities – like pottery classes, tennis lessons, and dance classes – is a great way to keep building your relationship and increase your overlap on the growth journey. It can add a new dimension to your relationship and allow you to get to know each other in a whole new way.

While I’ve focused on intimate partnerships here, the above can be true in any of your important relationships. In some cases, like in friendships that revolve around things that have changed – your kids’ activities or your job – you’ll need to accept that the relationship may not be strong enough to survive.

That’s okay too, because it’ll create more space for you to fill your life with other new threesomes. 😉



Living BRIGHTer is...

B - Be Brave

R - Cultivate Relationships

I - Live with Intention

G - Practice Gratitude

H - Prioritize Health

T - Live your Truth

What is Magenta?

The color magenta is one of universal harmony and emotional balance. It is spiritual yet practical, encouraging common sense and a balanced outlook on life. Magenta helps to create harmony and balance in every aspect of life; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

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