Your Magenta Monday Magic.
This month we’re exploring the Live BRIGHTer pillar of Cultivating Relationships, and none is more susceptible to feeling the brunt of the midlife’s wild ride than the relationship with your spouse or partner.
Let’s face it, even in good times cultivating relationships requires patience, grace, and compassion.
In the midst of tense conversations, those qualities may not be readily available! How many times have you had to apologize to your partner for overreacting? I know I have; in fact, it happened just the other night while I was at dinner with my husband!
Here’s the thing to keep in mind – all the change and transition you’re growing through isn’t just impacting you – it’s affecting your partner as well. As each of you evolve and change who you are and how you show up, the dynamics of your relationship shift completely as well.
Think about your most important relationships; you’ve shown up a certain way throughout most of them. The other person responds and reacts to who you’re being and the role you’re playing, just like you do with them. That creates a dynamic between the two of you; a dynamic you both get used to. 💑
Let’s say you’ve been married for 25 years and you’ve stayed at home with the kids, made dinner every night, and taken care of all of the domestic organization. You are the CEO of the household. Then you hit midlife, your kids are gone, and you find that you’re longing for more.
At first, you’re a little overwhelmed wondering who you are and what to do next, but then you let yourself dream about all the things you’ve been putting off, and you decide what you really want to do is go back to work.
Your husband is thrilled…. until he gets home from work and dinner isn’t cooked. Or the laundry isn’t done. Or the electrician hasn’t been booked to fix that damn porch light.
He becomes resentful and starts making snide comments about the things that aren’t getting done around the house. You feel defensive and before you know it, the two of you are arguing over stupid stuff like laundry and broken porch lights.
What’s happening? 😕
Because you are no longer running the household, all the things he never realized you’ve been doing are suddenly becoming painfully obvious.
You’ve changed how you’re showing up and it has shifted the entire dynamic of the way the two of you relate to each other.
On top of that, as you change who you are, this starts happening in every relationship you have – with your sister, your mom, your boss, your kids, your best friend, your book club –you can see how things can get awfully bumpy awfully fast. 😤
Your mom makes a nasty comment about you never picking up the phone when she calls.
Your friend laments the fact that she never gets to see you anymore.
Your son comes home from college and complains that his laundry isn’t done and his room isn’t clean like it used to be.
Be prepared for some sort of blowback. If you’re putting a stake in the ground for you – and for what’s important to you – there will be a shift in the way you show up for others.
Monday Mindshift
It’s the 1° shift that makes the biggest difference over time.
This is when being centered and calm really comes into play.
Rather than flying into a defensive rage, pause to remind yourself why the changes you’re making are important to you. 👌
Their comments likely have little to do with you and your choice, and more to do with their feelings about not having you in their life the way you once were.
Give yourself a mini-pep talk if you need to, and then
Explain to your mom how important this job is to you and that you’ll call her every Sunday.
Share with your friend how going to work has given you a sense of purpose.
Tell your son that you still love him AND it’s time for him to do his own laundry.
Assure each of them that you still love them and let them know it’s all going to be okay.
This is what it looks like to respond versus react.
The good news is that over time, the people who are closest to you love you, and they want you to be happy; even if it means you can’t be there for them in the relationship the same way you used to be. Those relationships will shift and evolve over time. That’s why cultivating relationships is an important factor in life.
There will be others who’ll find it difficult to stay in a relationship with you as you grow and evolve, and that’s okay. Remember it has little to do with you; it’s about them and their own needs, fears, and desires.
You’re doing what’s right for you. 🤸♀️
When you’re on this journey of cultivating relationships, you will get lots of chances to second-guess your choices. Every time you speak up for yourself and take action that is aligned with where you’re headed, it will get easier and easier to meet those questions head-on.
Living BRIGHTer is...
B - Be Brave
R - Cultivate Relationships
I - Live with Intention
G - Practice Gratitude
H - Prioritize Health
T - Live your Truth
What is Magenta?
The color magenta is one of universal harmony and emotional balance. It is spiritual yet practical, encouraging common sense and a balanced outlook on life. Magenta helps to create harmony and balance in every aspect of life; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Click on my calendar link to sign up for a FREE 45-minute Pathway to Purpose Breakthrough Session now.