Release control
Updated: Feb 21
Your Magenta Monday Magic.
How much time do you spend worrying about an event or situation that’s happening in the future?
Ha! I’m right there with you, sister!
Whether it’s our training as moms - always on patrol to avert potential disaster - or just simple human nature, we are wired to be on high alert about future events.
For me it often stems from trying to control the outcome.
Just thinking about relinquishing control can send me into a tailspin. It’s terrifying!
Take, for example, when my 25-year-old son, CJ, recently moved back home with his 80lb dog, Brodie, a 20-month-old puppy.
To put this in context, he has not lived at home since high school. He left for the University of Washington at age 18 and stayed up in Seattle for 6 years.
He is also not the most communicative of my kids, so there is a lot of room for me to fill in the blanks of what he’s feeling, thinking, or doing on a regular basis.
While I was so excited to have him around again, all of the above sent me into major worry, sparking the latent control freak that wanted to make sure that it was a good experience all the way around.
I worried about the stress and mess of having this huge dog in my house. He and my 10-year-old dog, Max, had not really gotten along well the last time he visited, and he got quite snippy about sharing his home and family with him.
I didn’t want to revert into high school parenting mode, nagging him about adulting the ‘right’ way, and arguing with Charlie about whether or not he is.
I worried about losing the sense of calm and order Charlie, Max and I have gotten used to over the past several years of empty nesting.
The list goes on and on.
After spending a good several weeks in near constant hand wringing, I stopped and said to myself, ‘None of this is within my control. I am creating scenarios to worry about, rather than releasing and rolling with whatever shows up. I can deal with all of that IF or when it happens.’
I made a commitment to myself that I was going to do everything I could to release the need to try to control how and when he does things. To give him more space to figure things out. His way.
And wow. It kinda scared the s*&t out of me. Who was I in our relationship if not that?
Yet, what a liberating feeling to give up worrying about what might happen, so I could be present to what did show up.
I was finally able to enjoy the gift of having him home after all this time so I could get to know him again, and he could get to know the new, less naggy me.
Fast forward to Christmas Eve day when he rolled into town, dog and all.
Yes, it took him longer than I wanted to unpack his boxes. Yes, his huge, black, hairy dog has a ton of energy and wants to play all. The. time.
But you know what else showed up? A more mature young man who cleans up after himself, asks if I need anything from the store, offers to cook dinner, gets up early(ish) to go to the gym, takes very good care of his dog, and actually spends time hanging out with us.
And Brodie? He is very sweet and now that we’re a few weeks in, even he and Max have settled in. Somewhat.
Had I stayed in my fear/worry mode, I would have been so focused on the negative that I would have missed the wonderful growth that has occurred, and not fully appreciated this opportunity to spend time with him.
Facing the fear of releasing control allowed me to stay present to what showed up. To be open to other possibilities - both for me, and him.
And that is the best gift of all!
Monday Mindshift
It’s the 1° shift that makes the biggest difference over time.
It’s your turn.
1) Think of an area of your life where you are holding onto control because the fear of what might happen if you let go is overwhelming.
Maybe at work?
Or with your kids?
Or your husband or partner?
Be honest with yourself.
2) Once you identify the area, take a deep breath and say to yourself:
‘Today I am choosing to let go and to trust that everything will work out for the best.’
3) And when you find yourself slipping back into worry mode, repeat the word ‘Trust’.
Love,
PS. I’d love to hear what activities you did to connect to your intentions! I invite you to share your thoughts and ideas with us in Thriving Mom’s Collective FB Group!
Living BRIGHTer is...
B - Be Brave
R - Cultivate Relationships
I - Live with Intention
G - Practice Gratitude
H - Prioritize Health
T - Live your Truth
What is Magenta?
The color magenta is one of universal harmony and emotional balance. It is spiritual yet practical, encouraging common sense and a balanced outlook on life. Magenta helps to create harmony and balance in every aspect of life; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
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