If you read my last blog, I talked about my journey of living my truth. As I grew personally, and my sense of self in the world shifted, the things that used to work for me didn’t anymore.
It was like wearing a pair of shoes that no longer fit.
It makes sense, right? I mean we are constantly evolving and with that evolution, our sense of self shifts. Our desires for what we want in our life shifts. Our vision shifts.
And over time you find yourself out of alignment with your life.
When I was younger, I was so focused on my path:
Go to a good school.
Get a good job.
Get married.
Have kids.
As a young woman, it kind of makes sense. I was branching out on my own. Establishing my place in the world. Setting my goals. And I found myself on my path, following a series of steps it takes to get there. While not everyone’s journey looks like mine, I know from doing this work for as long as I have, many do.
So then I got there. I had all of those things - everything I worked so hard for. But something was missing. As much as I loved my family, I knew deep down inside that there must be something more.
So how did I get so out of alignment with those dreams I had as a young woman?
I recognize now that during my journey of putting one foot in front of the other, my life experiences served to re-shape my relationship with myself, the world, and what was important to me.
Probably the most impactful event in my life as a young woman, was the unexpected death of my older sister when I was pregnant with my eldest child. She was just 2 years older than I was.
Needless to say, my world was rocked. Everything I knew was called into question. How could someone so young die so suddenly? I realized that life is short and that all these plans I had for tomorrow may not ever come. And the seed was planted deep inside for that question I asked myself several years later.
If I died tomorrow, would I have regrets?
The thing is that the events that shape us don’t necessarily have to be these massive, traumatic, life-changing events like losing a sister. We all have things in our lives that impact us - even in the smallest of ways - and start to give us a new perspective on things. We stretch and grow in response.
Until our shoes no longer fit.
Our evolution can’t help but shift not only our perspective, but also the people and circumstances around us. These people came into our lives when we were one way. We then live and grow and start to evolve, and it makes perfect sense that the way we relate to them and them to us, will change.
Sometimes it’s possible to navigate through those changes with relationships intact. But other times, the two are so inconsistent that there is no way to reconcile the cavernous gap that may have opened up between you.
This can be true of friends, family, partners, or spouse. We either grow together, or we grow apart. It’s just part of the natural process.
But it doesn’t make it any less painful.
I know for many women who are going through this evolution, the possibility that friendships, marriages, or long-term partnerships might be called into question is enough to make them stay the course and not follow their hearts. No matter how miserable they might be.
But who does that really serve? When we’re out of alignment with our authentic self and attempt to deny who we are deep down inside - our truth - not only will we be miserable but so will everyone around us.
When you are in pursuit of your truth and the evolution that takes place as a result, there is no doubt that you will shed those parts of your life that are inconsistent with your new truth. And just know that it’s gonna be ok. It’s part of life.
And then go find a new pair of shoes that fit.