Do you feel like you belong?
Your Magenta Monday Magic.
Happy Thanksgiving to those celebrating!
Whether you are setting a table for twenty and serving Tofurkey, or sharing a glazed ham with your cat, I hope you feel a sense of belonging and contentment.
It’s really hit home for me lately how strong the desire within each of us to feel like we truly belong really is.
And, how living your truth is the key to fulfilled belonging.
In her book, Atlas of the Heart Brene Brown writes,
‘Love and belonging are irreducible needs for all people. In the absence of these experiences, there is always suffering…Because we can feel belonging only if we have the courage to share our most authentic selves with people, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.’
That got me thinking. If our human need for love and belonging depends upon our level of self-acceptance, then how do we start to build or rebuild our self-esteem when we are feeling a few quarts low?
Learning to love yourself is an ongoing process.
It’s not just about belonging.
It’s also about putting a stake in the ground for you.
It’s about treating yourself with as much love and compassion as you do for everyone else in your life.
Why? Because you deserve it!
This entire transformational journey starts with one person.
It all starts with a strong sense of self.
And, I want you to know you are not alone.
As women, we put ourselves down. We speak negatively to ourselves. We say things we would NEVER say to anyone else we love.
Yet we do it to ourselves.
Aren’t you tired of it?
I know I am.
I am tired of seeing and hearing women subscribe to the messages that we’ve been told for centuries about our value and our worth (or rather the lack thereof).
We are better than that.
YOU are better than that.
And you know what?
I say it’s time to give that s&$*# up!
It’s the 1° shift that makes the biggest difference over time.
This week is a perfect time to start rewriting your story!
Being around friends and family is perhaps a safe place to connect authentically so that you can be present and enjoy that ‘irreducible need’ to belong.
Or, maybe your family isn’t close or you are spending the holiday alone in reflection. That can be a great opportunity to focus on shifting your inner voice from your worst critic into your best friend.
How to take the first step…
Start small by noticing that inner voice without judgment. Listen to how it puts you down. You know the one. Over time that voice becomes so automatic, you just don’t notice it anymore. It sounds like - ‘Great job, dumbass. How can you be so stupid?’ or ‘Wow my butt looks so fat in these jeans.’ Or ‘what makes you think you can start a business at your age?’ As you start to notice the presence of that voice, recognize that although ‘she’s’ been a part of you for so long, now it’s time to lovingly take your power back.
Name her so you can separate her from ‘you’. (I call mine, Maleficent) I’ve had some clients name their inner critic so they can tell her that her feedback is no longer welcome. (That’s the PG version) You can even imagine what “she” looks like visually if that helps.
Be compassionate and patient with yourself. Don’t expect to reprogram your negative beliefs within a day or two. Remember that it took years of creating these stories - they won’t disappear overnight.
Rewriting (Recreating a new narrative?) the stories that others have made about you is an ongoing process that takes intention, repetition, and time.
Once you begin to pay attention you may be surprised at how much power your inner critic has had over your life and how ‘she’ has managed to undermine your ability to recognize and relish your true self-worth.
Well, the new chapter in your book of life starts with you, today at this moment!
Because you deserve to be loved. Especially by the one person who should always have your back. YOU!
PS. I’d love to hear what mind shifts happened for you this week! I invite you to share your wins or what surprised or challenged you with us in Thriving Mom’s Collective FB Group!